No matter how much money I lose in Vegas, I’ll always have Fantasy to look forward to. By now, there are others who probably feel the same as me, and I’m sure there are some who now dread Sundays. We’ll examine who those owners are and check out some interesting match ups this week. This is going to going to be short and sweet, however, as I am typing this article out on my phone at 3am after losing another $100 at Ellis Island Casino.
———————————————————————————— THE SPOTLIGHT
This week is rather unique in that I felt it only right to put the spotlight on two match ups. There are two undefeated teams (Viola, 3-0 and Brum, 3-0) squaring off, and there are two winless teams (Maltby, 0-3 and Yeakel, 0-3) facing off as well. Let’s start with the winless teams:
Maltby vs Yeakel
Both teams have had unfortunate starts to their season. Ravaged by early injuries (and a domestic violence case), the lineups for either team are featuring some not too promising players. MWF interviewed both players to get their thoughts and opinions ahead of this week’s battle of the winless (aka the “pillow fight”). Here is what they had to say:
“Half of the Maltby Man's coaching staff are confident that we simply had a slow start. JT and Lamar are solid. Our WRs can be boom or bust, but it seems like the Chiefs are ready to start using Rice, and Tet hopefully won't get targeted by the defense as hard. The other half of our coaching staff are calling for the immediate execution of the entire team to trigger an emergency draft.” - Maltby
“I think my team is cursed.” - Yeakel
On the flip side, we will witness the battle of the undefeateds, Viola vs Brum. However, I think it’s only fair to point out that one team in this matchup can only be described as “fraudulent,” and it’s not the reigning champion. Although Brum’s team has a middle of the pack points for, his points against are the lowest in the league by an astronomical margin (90 points fewer than the next lowest PA). Thanks to advanced statistics by duckfucks.com, we can see that his team has a fraud score of 83.3(!) which is the highest fraud score of the year and quite possibly ever. Once again, we interviewed both players for their take on the match:
“I’m gonna expose his fraud ass.” - Viola
“As flies to wanton boys, we are for the gods. They kill us for their sport. Soon the science will not only be able to slow down the aging of the cells – soon the science will fix the cells to the state. And so we will become eternal. Only accidents, crimes, wars will still kill us, but unfortunately crimes and wars will multiply. I love football. Thank you.” - Brum
It’s highly likely that the winner of the undefeateds will end up in the playoffs after a monstrous 4-0 start. Meanwhile, the loser of the pillow fight will drop to 0-4, and they might want to start searching online for a pair of soccer cleats…
———————————————————————————— THE WEEKLY LOCK (by Schmichael Schminzel)
I haven’t felt this good about a lock in a long time. After forgetting to check the weather of the Bears Vikings game two weeks ago, Michael told me that I’m on thin ice. He said two more strikes and I’m done, which would be really unfortunate for my children as we’d probably have to sell the house to afford food. Regardless, I know this bet will get me back in Michael’s good graces. I’m so confident that I even wagered my 2006 Toyota Corolla on it.
This week’s lock: Bryce Young 250+ passing yards.
So far this year, Bryce is averaging over 300 passing yards per game. He has several receiving threats to work with in this Panther’s offense (Tet, Coker, Waller), and he’s proven he can spin it. Conversely, the Lions boast what may be the worst defensive backfield I have ever had the displeasure of watching. It’s gotten so bad for the Lions that they are starting the backup for the backup at safety. You might as well put Jichael out there, it couldn’t possibly get any worse. The Lions gave up over 400 passing yards to Shough in Week 1, and over 300 passing yards to Geno Smith (wtf). Furthermore, the game script favors high passing volume, as the Lions will likely gain a lead early on simply due to how great their offense is. I expect Bryce to clear 250 passing with ease, and I hope he gets there by the 3rd quarter so we don’t even have to sweat it.
———————————————————————————— THE GALLERY
Lastly, we’ll be introducing a new segment dedicated to sharing League Art. Jason, and his intern Jichael Jintzel, have been hard at work preparing the next league art. This week we are highlighting Jim. We hope you enjoy!
Entering the league for the first time this year, LDPenix is looking to make waves. Challenging last years top two placers in the BBAFA division, will this WR focused team be able to take down the leagues top dogs?
