Greetings, I am from the future. Although I cannot give away my exact location in case Duck reads this, I am writing from Europe where it is currently Friday. The Broncos are up 14-3 over the Seahawks in the 4th quarter, what a disgusting Friday morning game. Does anyone else get frustrated watching the Broncos? It’s like they suck the joy out of watching football. I’m not entirely sure why but I know that’s how they make me feel. Maybe it’s just because I have Jaylen Waddle. He’s actually going to be the focus of MWF this week, along with all the other players who have been the biggest disappointments on each team. We’ll break it all down and more, but first, let’s take a look at our updated power rankings brought to you by West (first member of the 200 club!) and his intern Wichael.
———————————————————————————— LEAGUE POWER RANKINGS
1. BJJJ’s (Furda) 2. They Hit the Second Bower (Vintzel) 3. 4Birds 3Peat (Viola) 4. TiennAmon Square (Kudalkar) 5. The Brumderdogs (Khan) 6. Strib Club (West) 7. LDPenix (Lapus) 8. Maltby’s Mans (Maltby) 9. Magic in the Hampton (Varca) 10. Sauce (Yeakel) ————————————————————————————
So what qualifies a player as a disappointment? I think it’s one of those things that you know it when you see it. Some of these picks are obvious, some aren’t, but regardless I think we can all agree that they’re bums (at least a majority of the time.)
1. Saquon Barkley (Sauce)
This was not a difficult pick, and that’s saying something considering Sauce has Jacobs, who might not play all season, and Achane, who is still on his IR for some reason. Sometimes I like to think back to that 2024 season where Saquon had ELEVEN regular season games with over 100 rushing yards, and he had 15 TDs on top of that. How was that only two years ago? Nevertheless, between injuries and a bad offense in general, Saquon has looked like a shell of his former self. Right now, you could go on the waiver wire and pick up Tyjae Spears, who’s been having about an equivalent season so far to Saquon.
2. Hampter (Magic in the Hampton)
I’m surprised Varca hasn’t crashed out even more. Hampter is putting up all time levels of ass this season, and it doesn’t look like it’ll get better anytime soon, as he’s now splitting carries three ways in an offense that’s only worth watching in case the camera cuts to Madison Beer. Yesterday I saw a reel from September of a guy hyping up a player who was about to have an all-time fantasy season, and at the end of the video he said he was talking about Omarion Hampton. I rushed to the comments but they had been disabled. Shocker.
3. Rashee Rice (Maltby’s Mans)
I feel your pain Maltby. I drafted this guy in the second round in my other league, two picks before Chris Olave. This dude hasn’t yet reached peak levels of suck quite yet, but for a guy so highly regarded before the season, he has not lived up to expectations. I do have hope however, as Tyquon Thorton tragically suffered a season ending injury (is it kinda messed up that in fantasy we root for other players to get injured?). This should greatly benefit the Rice stocks for the remainder of the season, and the Chiefs look like their old unstoppable selves yet again.
4. Quinshon Judkins (LDPenix)
Before the season, fantasy gurus hyped up Judkins by stating that he was a three-down back and he’d get a ton of volume. They were not wrong about that. What they failed to recognize was that it doesn’t matter how many touches Judkins gets, he’s never finding the endzone. On 73 rushing attempts so far these season, he’s scored a measly singular touchdown. He doesn’t make up for it in yardage either, with his season high rushing total currently at just 70 yards. The best thing about Judkins is his consistency. If you need 8 points to win your match, he’ll at least get you that, but nothing more.
5. Colston Loveland (Strib Club)
This one hurts. Loveland was an absolute beast in college for Michigan. And now he’s in a Ben Johnson offense following up a phenomenal finish to his rookie season. How in the world has he been a bust? I’m not entirely sure to be honest. Certainly part of it has to do with the absence of Caleb Williams, but let’s not forget that in the first game of the season when Williams was healthy and the Bears scored 59 points on the Panthers, Loveland had exactly 0.0 points.
6. Kyle Pitts (The Brumderdogs)
I’m not even gonna lie, the fact that Kyle Pitts, the 1.01, hasn’t been averaging 50 points per game is disappointing. That’s what I expect out of a stud like him. Now he’s on Brum’s bench, which I didn’t even know was allowed because I was pretty sure that the ESPN app locked Pitts into your TE slot automatically. Pitts will have one game this season where he goes absolutely nuclear. I’m not delusional or coping. Don’t you ever speak poorly about PittGod.
7. Loveeeeee (TiennAmon Square)
I know he’s a rookie, and this was probably to be expected out of Jeremiah Love, but Duck literally drafted him with the first overall pick (not including keepers). Love will surely get better as the season progresses; he’s too talented not to. But it cannot be understated just how bad the Cardinals actually are. I know they might look decent, but they are right on track for a 3-14 season. I just hope they don’t ruin another Jeremiah (of the Smith variety) like they did Marvin Harrison Jr.
8. JSN (4Birds 3Peat)
JSN is only averaging 31.6 points per game, which is frankly disappointing because…
Kidding! I really had you all going there for a second though, right? I’m actually picking the 70s pornstar Jalen Hurts (peep his mustache). This might not even be a hot take, but Hurts is not good at football. He has one good play, and it involves two of his teammates pushing his ass across the goal line. He’s serviceable at best, and if he isn’t scoring TDs, expect a lot more 13 point games from him this season.
9. Jaylen Waddle (They Hit the Second Bower)
Was anyone else’s Instagram feed flooded with bozos saying, “and my number one must draft player this year is Jaylen Waddle, this dude is going to be a league winner for you this sea-“ Shut up!!
I have brain rot from those guys alone. When I fall asleep at night I see Waddle in my dreams, dropping passes. Even 2025 BTJ was better than this clown, and that guy made me want to take a long walk off a short cliff. Alas, I am stuck with him. Can’t wait for another five whole points from him next week!
10. George Pickens (BJJJ’s)
It really says a lot about your team when this guy is your most disappointing player, but I had to pick somebody. Prior to last week’s 33 point performance, I could make a much more compelling argument, but we all knew Pickens was capable of putting up such numbers. It’s really just a matter of who the defense wants to lose to: Lamb or Pickens. You are not stopping both of them.
———————————————————————————— THE GALLERY
We’re gonna get things wrapped up on a high note here. Well, maybe a high note for most of us (sorry, Varca). Here is your weekly art, brought to you by Jason and Jichael:
Coming off a year as the undisputed runner up, Magic in the Hampton now finds itself 1-4. Will the historic organization be able to find its way back up the standings? Or will they be practicing penalty kicks come December?
